Janis Joyce Nathan JAMS

Suzanne had really wanted this to be the last first date. This stuff gets old. Dreaming about the real one : the guy that makes you want to leave the rest. After awhile they all look like rejects . But Peter had her fooled for about a week.

If Suzanne’s friend, Ellen, hadn’t clued her in; there she would have been still messing with him. Ellen suspected; he had a side chick. Peter was a two timer or maybe more. Then Suzanne saw them in a car together. They weren’t discussing the weather.

Suzanne was not easily convinced – maybe just in denial and didn’t want to hear that she had to eventually get rid of this one, too. Men and friends weren’t supposed to be disposable like a brown paper bag from the market.

jjn 1/26/2021

When Suzanne was a child everything seemed to be in order. There was a place for everything, including her secrets. Keep them tucked away, dance around in denial, and sing a song of happiness even when she was crying inside. She thought is was the way of the world. But it was her world. Her relatives loved her, her parents cared for her, her friends were more loyal than 3rd graders who can only handle friendship when it’s wrapped in a threesome. But no one seemed to question her internal sadness. Probably, because it was a secret dance.

Tiptoeing, swirling around the floor, bending, stretching, and catching herself before she falls. There were no older siblings, giant brother, no looming guardians, except her belief in Jesus. He would save her. He was there, and she just knew it. But one day she did a test. 5 year olds are always testing everything on the table, in the air, and in their minds. I can feel Jesus while I am praying. But what if I am just imagining it? She squeezed her hands tightly and didn’t pray. Nothing, she felt nothing. So if she doesn’t pray, Jesus will not be there. I have to pray.

Then one day she squeezed her hands together again, and there was no pulsation that was signaling Jesus to her. Oh, no. He’s not here. Thus began the secret dance began, and it meant that she could not trust anyone, not even Jesus. He was as fickle as the others, and her five year old temperament was not about to believe that she didn’t know it all. She already knew the tooth fairy, the Santa Claus and the fairy godmother stories were bogus, so she just threw Jesus under the secret revelations of innocence lost bus. Amen, Now I lay me down to …….

jjn 11/7/20 10:34 am

OCCUPATION

NAME: Suzanne (Susan Suzie) Manchester Wintersong

AGE :36

SPECIAL SKILLS:piano teacher nurturing to others

PHYSICAL : small build blond brown hair apple rosy cheeks

LIVES: Colorado moves to Canada

FEEL /LIVE: cold weather depresses her to acceptance

FOOD: pasta comfort food

dislikes raw veggies snacking

sour fruits or liver

VICES: bad boy-man choices

CHILDHOOD :wanted to be airline hostess or a ballerina rebel attitude boy secrets college tatoo

BOREDOM : analyzing anything head trips

FRUSTRATION :drinking and prescription meds when she broods about her journey

DESIRE: to be married and have children

NAME: IAN Sylvester Robinsom

OCCUPATION: Hometown Newspaper

AGE: 40

SPECIAL SKILLS: peacemaker listener

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: dark brown hair lanky build

LIVES: Colorado and Canada

WHAT LIKED :cold air snow sports

FOOD :Meat and potatoes

Hungry Man dinners

VICES: self/brooding

CHILDHOOD :bumpy ride

BORED: reads history books for escapism

FRUSTRATION :his wife is a mystery to him

The most difficult task is to begin. Starting is the process requiring the largest amount of stress. 12/16/1983

The original title of this novel was BEGIN. It has migrated to Begin the Beguine and after 10 other Suzanne’s Secret Dance evolved. This quote showed me my journey has been about beginnings all along.

jjn 8/9/2020 8:59 am

FAMILIES: Names and Symbolism

THE WINTERSONGS :

cold name to show isolation

THE OGLESTEINS:

Ogle means to stare nosy name

THE. MANCHESTERS:

A powerful image of a man thrusting out his chest

THE KENSINGTONS:

Showing wealth and status

THE ROBINSONS:

Plain and home body

THE JENKINS:

Country background even European

The Characters’

Names and symbolism

Suzanne: Sue /Ann Multiple person of love and toughness a rose

Ian: Plain cold an older generation

Adeline: add a line =gossiper

Wilfred: Will&Fred Double Name

Sophia: Diva name

Edgar: gruffness grrr

Amanda: pushy leader

Joey: boy not a man

Sammy: boy name

Jim: loner and short version of James

Virginia: virgin child and killer

Alexander: aggressive greedy

Sula May: Soothing mother

Thomas: Tom cat

Angelica: angel among us

Jennifer: Jenny sweetness

Joshua: Biblical leader against the odds

Peter: biblical name for someone full of ego

Ellen: down to earth the elements